I'm Getting There

Two months

So it has officially been two months since Nick and I broke up.

Where am I now?

Healing is a difficult process, and it definitely is something that I struggle with. I hate change, I hate things that take time, and I hate having to wait things out. And that literally all this process is.

For the most part, I have accepted what happened and am moving forward. I am generally happy about what is going on in my life and all of the things that have happened to me in these two short months. It feels like it has been such a long time I honestly can’t believe it has only been two. I have realized that I have an amazing support system around me outside of Nick and have grown to appreciate that more than I ever think I would have, so for that I am grateful.

Like I’ve said before, the hardest part about this is not having my best friend. I don’t feel like we have any animosity towards each other and I know that neither one of us is mad so it’s not like we can’t talk and we do on occasion, but I miss that comfort of the every day contact. Of having that person that you could just talk to for hours and not want to slap them. I know that things have to change because, obviously, our relationship is different now, but that doesn’t make it any easier.

So it’s two months later. I am learning how strong I am, how great my friends are, how big of a support system they are. I am moving forward, but I still have days where I get sad. In my head, I feel like people expect me to be completely over it by now but I know that’s not true. I’m not completely over it, by any means. I’m moving forward and am happy but I still have some hope that we will be able to work things out and get back together, or at least be best friends again. Even though I know that most likely isn’t going to happen. I know that in time our friendship, my heart, and everything else that kind of got turned upside down will heal. I just hate waiting and not knowing what is going to happen. This is a big growing up moment for me, and it’s definitely difficult. Every day is different. But every day I can wake up and know that I’m okay and know that I am loved. I have good days and bad days and my good days out number the bad, so I feel like I’m doing okay.

I’m getting there.